Dear BT/The Stiffler Brothers/The State Fair of Texas,
Sometimes we ask the tough questions in life. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? How did “Gangnam Style” reach number two on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100? And of course, when will all of those Furby’s we had in the 90’s come to life, Gizmo style, and destroy us all because we forgot to feed them for more than a decade?
Little did we know that the aforementioned questions would mean next to nothing to our lives once electronic dance pinoneer Brian Transeau, better known by his initials BT and also known as the person we’re directing this open letter to would take his personal smart phone, or maybe it was his business phone, out of his pocket, and snap a picture of a menu put together by the Stiffler Brothers at the State Fair of Texas. Now, we’re gonna skate to one question and one question only, and as alangley10 so elegantly asked in the comments section of your picture, HOW THE HELL DOES ONE FRY LEMONADE?!
I’m not the only inquisitive mind either! Users itsmadamk and afournilr are also profoundly confused. In fact, Sarachelle82 stated that her stomach and arteries hurt while looking at this particular photograph and I can only imagine the reason for such anguish is because of the need to know how to make fried lemonade.
So look, BT. There are Thirteen Angels sitting on your broken windowsill. THIRTEEN. That’s an unlucky number, I’ll have you know and I believe that the only way to send them back to heaven is to find the answer to this question. You and I don’t even have to share the answer if you know it. We can hide it in Our Dark Garden (no, really, I’m lying, if someone comments or Tweets me, I’m totally updating this post with the answer).
Are you still in Texas?! Can you go back?! I mean, this is a question that is sure to be even more pressing when my best friends and I sit down to partake in the Presidential Debate Drinking Game, then try to provoke the moderator through the television to ask one of the candidates how they would evenly distribute the goods if they were given an unlimited amount of Fried Lemonade from the Stiffler Brothers, or from the State of Texas.
In closing, please help shed some light (or Hikari) on this deep, pressing issue because it’s Gathering The Darkness around here.
PS We are absolutely not ever asking Urban Dictionary again.
Update: Ladies and Gentlemen, the beloved friend and blogger Amber over from Open ‘Til Midnight has solved the mystery! Let us share the Last Moment of Clarity
Update 2: Krissy, fellow Pittsburgh resident, and re-designer of the Official BT website tweeted us with some interesting information as well! Check out the TED link.
Mystery fully solved. So whattayasay, Brian? Next time you’re in the ‘Burgh, you wanna make some Fried Lemonade with the locals?!
Alternate Ending: Best friends provide option number two for creating fried lemonade. Just, so, you know, you aren’t frying ice cubes and risking burning your house down. (Please don’t try this at home)!
If The Stars are Eternal So Are You And I was released June 19th, 2012 [iTunes]